Letters From the Heart
by cotecasasweatherly
Summary: Ziva comes home after being gone for a year in Israel to find out just how much Tony needs her.


Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT REAL. More creative fiction and I don't own NCIS, but maybe I should considering it's going down hill.

She crept through the door after picking it with her bobby pin. The room was pitch black except for the moonlight coming in through the glass windows. She took her heels off, carefully placing them on the rug next to the door. A smile grew on her face as she walked into the apartment further and the scent of him filled her nostrils.

The scented comforted her after the last year she had. She never thought she'd be able to smell him again and feel safe. But, it was time. She was home now. She couldn't live another day without him and his cheesy jokes. She had just hoped he hadn't found someone else since the day he left his mark on her lips at the Tel Aviv terminal.

Deciding on how she should surprise him when he came home, she went to the kitchen and looked around. Beer bottles were stacked on the counter, a few broken around the sink. Shaking her head, she began to clean up the broken bottles. A pain stung in her heart when she knew all of this was because of her absence.

When she was done cleaning up the bottles, she walked into the living room and looked around. The couch had a dent through it as if someone had slept their every night. She sighed, staring at the couch and realizing that he must have passed out, drunk there most nights instead of sleeping in his bed.

It was as hard on him as it was for her to sleep in a bed. Before he left Israel, they had shared a bed in her childhood home. The night reminded her of their time spent in Paris, cuddled up in his arms. She shrugged, figuring she was probably the only woman that Tony ever just slept in a bed with, without any actions. Her lips curled into a smile, remembering both nights that she felt his arm drape protectively over her waist, his face buried into her soft curls, kissing her head and whispering how beautiful she was. The nightmares featuring her demons from her summer in Africa didn't come both of those nights. Perhaps it was the feeling that she was safe with him that kept them away or the fact that he actually _would_ keep her safe.

God, if she could just have one of those nights back. She would do anything to feel his lips pressed up against the sensitive skin below her ear and his warm breath tantalizing her neck. No one had ever made her feel the way he did.

With the memory fading away, she flicked her eyes away from the couch and towards his bedroom. Pondering, she walking in slowly and flipped the light switch on. He still had that damn twin bed. A laugh muttered out of her throat as she spied the bed. It looked as if no one had been near the bed in days, maybe even months. Her hand gently swept across the comforter, remembering the nights after her father died when she stayed in this bed.

Turning her attention away from the bed, she looked at his dresser at multiple envelopes settled on it. She brought her hand up to grab one, wondering why he had so many of them and realized her name was addressed on the front. Reaching back up again, she took all the envelopes, sifting through them to realize her name was printed on the front of each envelope.

She bit her lip, fighting back the want to look at what was inside each. Placing the envelopes back on the dresser, she looked down at the garbage can and noticed multiple papers crumpled up inside. She grabbed the papers out of the garbage, debating whether or not to look at them. Chewing on her bottom lip, she grabbed the envelopes from his dresser, keeping the crumpled up papers in her hand and walked over to his bed.

Gently sitting down on his feather light comforter, she debated which papers to look at first.

Deciding on that she had the write to know what he was writing with her name on it and it wasn't an intrusion of privacy, she reached for the first envelope and opened it. Inside was a letter, addressed to her.

_Ziva,_

_Hope everything is good in Israel. It still feels weird that I just left you there last week. Gibbs is cranky as usual and McGee doesn't stop talking about his new girlfriend. McVirgin doesn't know what to do with himself now that girl pays attention to him, it's kind of funny. Wish you were here to see it all._

_-Tony._

Ziva smiled brightly as she tucked the note back into the envelope and opened another one.

_Ziva,_

_Wow, almost two weeks now. I want to come get you, but I know you need your space. It's uncomfortable without here. There's no one for me to talk to or anyone who listens to me talk about movies. I hope you're doing everything you've ever wanted that you couldn't do before. You deserve it. _

_-Tony_

Sighing, she opened another envelope.

_Ziva,_

_It's been a month. When are you coming home? I don't think I can take this any longer. I'm bored. The new girl at your desk isn't you. She doesn't smile when I make jokes. She doesn't smile like you. I miss you._

_Please come home soon,_

_Tony._

She felt the tears begin to form in her eyes and decided to skip the rest of the envelopes and open the last one.

_Ziva,_

_Nothing makes sense anymore. I don't know why I'm here in D.C and not with you. I wish there was a way for me to contact you so, I could get you these and you would realize that we're not good when we're apart. This job isn't the same, Gibb's isn't the same, hell, McGee isn't the same. Hope you're safe and okay. I lie awake every night hoping that no one is hurting you and that you're safe in a warm bed somewhere in this world. It's getting kind of stupid for me to keep writing these to you even though you'll never see them or I may not even get to see you again. But, I guess it keeps me sane like it did when you were in Africa and I wrote to you. I even found those letters tonight and trashed them. Doesn't matter anymore because that was the past and thankfully you're alive. Guess I like to think that maybe wherever you are in the world, that you can hear my voice writing this to you and you'll come home to me. _

_Please be safe. I miss you sweetcheeks._

_Tony_

Her heart felt heavy as she kept reading over the words. "Like it did when you were in Africa", she stared at the words, feeling her heart dropped and she looked at the crumpled up papers next to her.

With a shaking hand, she reached for one and opened it, trying hard to read through the lines of the paper from being crumpled up.

_Ziva,_

_I'm so sorry for everything. I didn't want to kill Michael, but I had to. He would've killed me in the end because he knew I knew everything about him playing you. I wish so much that it didn't have to be like this. I would never intentionally hurt you or do anything to you. You're my best friend and I was trying to protect you. I'm so sorry._

_Please come back to the U.S,_

_Tony._

Blood was starting to fall from her lip as she bit down harder, opening another crumpled note.

_Ziva,_

_Where are you? No one has been able to get through to you from Mossad or NCIS. We just want to know that you're safe. Again, I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. Michael, he was trying to hurt you, not me. If anything, please let me or Gibbs know that you're safe. _

_-Tony_

She tossed this one to the side, and opened the second to last crumpled up paper.

_Ziva,_

_Praying that you weren't on the Damocles. That ship sank tonight and all of our hearts feel like there's a hole in it. Please just let me know that you're okay and that you weren't on the ship. I'll be praying to every God there is tonight that daddy dearest didn't send you onto that ship for some fucked up mission. _

_-Tony_

Tears filled her eyes when she realized what the last crumpled up note in the trash can would be. She didn't think she was ready to read it, but before her brain could register what she was doing her hand reached for the paper and began to uncrumple it.

_So, this is it. You're gone. You were on the Damocles when it sank. All the alcohol in the world isn't helping this feeling that I have in my heart. Funny story actually, just ten minutes ago I woke up from a horrible nightmare that you had died. I grabbed my phone to call you and hear your beautiful voice, but it just kept ringing._

_What's the number to heaven? I need you, Zi. _

Ziva kept reading the last line, over and over. Tears were streaming down her face and she cried out for Tony. She brought the letter up to her chest, holding it tight while she cried. The paper began to wet from her tears and she opened it one last time to read it.

For what it was worth, she wished on so many levels that she could go back and change history. She never realized what her leaving back then did to him and what he must have been like now. She should've came home with him. She should of never left him, both of these times. He gave his all to her and she kept letting him down. She didn't deserve this man. He didn't deserve someone who kept running away when all he tried to go was love her.

She got up quickly, taking the last note with her. No matter how much she wanted be here, she shouldn't be. He deserved a woman so much better than her. Someone who could give him what he needed and not keeping running away and leaving him broken. So, she ran to the door, putting her shoes on and trying to stop the tears from falling.

Her heart fell to the ground when she heard the door click open, the handle moving and the door opening. She froze, looking up, tears still streaming down her face.

There he stood in the door way, staring straight back at her. He wasn't moving and he kept his eyes peeled on her as if she was a ghost and was going to disappear at any moment.

After a minute of intense staring, he took a step forward, shutting the door.

"A-am I…dreaming right now?" he closed his eyes, rubbing his large, soft hands over his face.

"No…" she spoke softly, realizing the note was still in her hands and her cries came again.

Tony heard her whimper and opened his eyes again "Why…why are you crying?" he almost couldn't find the words and he was afraid to move in case this was a dream. The fear crept over him that at any move he made, she would disappear into thin air and reality would step back in. She couldn't be here, she was still finding herself, right?

Ziva shook her head while the tears kept falling, shrugging her shoulders and help up the note in her hand.

He sighed, stepping forward and engulfing the bawling Israeli into his protective arms "Oh, Zi…you weren't ever supposed to see those"

She sank into his embrace, her hands clutching at the shirt on his chest as she cried harder "I'm sorry… for leaving you" she choked out through the pain.

"Shhh," he whispered, burying his face into her hair and kissing her head "you're here now…."

Ziva lifted her head up to look at him, his fingers softly brushing the tears away from her face before she spoke "Here to stay, Tony…." Her voice cracked at the end when she saw a tear streak down from his emerald green eyes.

"I love you," he smiled, tipping her chin up with his hand and tangling his other hand in her hair before his lips meant hers. It started off slow, their lips mingling to remember each other after a long time. But what started out slow, quickly turned into passion as their hearts fought their way through all the lost time and unsaid words between the two.

Tony wouldn't need the number to heaven or anywhere else in the world right now because Ziva, Ziva was there to stay in his arms.


End file.
